March 7, 2012


Recently, I watched a short film called “A Seizure by Nathan Jones”.  It briefly shows what it is like to have a grand mal seizure through Nathan’s eyes.  As a person who has had multiple grand mal seizures, I was 
astounded at how similar his experience was to my own.

I usually have an aura just a few seconds before I pass out.  My aura is a loud ringing, hollow sounds, or sometimes I hear multiple voices.  I always try and fight it, I tell everyone to “shut up” so I can battle what is about to happen to me.   Then I put my arms out, ready to fight!

Well…fighting it usually doesn’t work. I never win.  Without my control my head, left arm, and body turns to the right…and my eyes roll into the back of my head.  Bam! The last thing I feel is my lungs tighten and I can’t get in any oxygen.  To everyone else this sounds like a loud distinctive scream…

My brain has been overloaded.  I cannot describe what happens during those few minutes. Even though my eyes are “open” I don’t remember seeing anything during the seizure.  I shake all over.  My lips and my body turns blue…I cannot breathe.  I choke on my spit and blood from biting my tongue.  Without the help of someone turning me on my side, I know I could die.  But I can’t ask for help.

When the shaking stops, my body is weak.  My face is bloodshot from the lack of oxygen.  I start to breathe heavily, it sounds as if I am snoring.  If someone is there with me I can hear them tell me I just had a seizure, and everything will be ok.  If a person is not there telling me, I don’t know what just happened. It feels as if I am dreaming, but I'm not.

I feel pain all over now. Every muscle has been convulsing as if I had been lifting weights for hours without stopping.  My spine has been twisted and my scoliosis hurts so bad that it takes weeks to recover.  I can speak a little now, and the ones who watch over me look so scared, I still did not understand why… it will be hours before I will.

My wife recorded a video documentary before I had a brain resection surgery.  Below you can see what it is like for me to have side-effects from my medications and have seizures.  The last section shows what a grand mal seizure is like for me.  It is a graphic video… so my face has been blocked during the GTC since it is so hard for her to see me turn blue.

Also, check out A Seizure by Nathan Jones.  Every seizure is different, but his video will give you a pretty good idea what it is like having a grand mal if you have never had one yourself.  If you have had a seizure before, tell me what it was like for you!

1 comment:

  1. I have never had a seizure but my husband has them and they are horrible to watch. :( I am sorry you have to go through this.